In Your Development, Learning, And Experiments, What/Who Do You Fall Back On?
Leadership Lesson: As we go through our growth, development, and challenges, it helps to have environments and people to support us should we fall short.
Fear is a vice. It’s a grip. A crippler. It suffocates adventure and stifles curiosity.
We all have it to one extent or another. And because of that, it’s the basis for most everything that doesn’t happen in our lives, environment, or society.
We’re bred into fear from the youngest of ages: “Keep your grades high, avoiding that “F” (for “Fail”) or all your enjoyment, fun, and life – your friends and classmates – will move on without you.”
Your perception as an adult today is formed in your understanding as a child then. Whether it’s perception now or actually visualizing in the past as a child — everyone moving on without you — you feel as if your base and environment has left you. And you feel that if you don’t keep your eyes on the prize – your foundation and support system – it will move while you look away, working on something new for yourself.
Because of that – the avoidance of being off on our own, stepping outside of the comfort zone — too many of us are paralyzed into what we have instead of working toward what we want. And it’s not even a fear of working toward the future that holds us back but a fear that what and who we have now might be lost.
Related Post: How Do You Think About Fear And How It Holds You Back?
There’s that ever-present conversation of appreciating failure, but more than that, it’s about learning how strong your base is. It’s not the possibility of not achieving your goals that is the teacher, but the realization of what and who you can fall back on.
Family, friends, colleagues, supporters.
Who do you have who is your base? What do you have that can be your constant?
We may have these things but don’t take them into account. We don’t do an inventory and recognize where our strengths are in our relationships and environments. We assume, maybe subconsciously, that they won’t be there should we fall.
If we feel those things won’t be there, then we won’t take the chances we could. And if we don’t take those chances, nothing gets done and we lose out.
Going down a level deeper, if we feel those things won’t be there, we’re anxious. And when we’re anxious, it limits our focus, and when our focus is limited, we can’t utilize our energy to the best of our abilities to work in the right direction.
The energy you utilize fearing loss in the present siphons off your fuel for your future. It is a zero-sum game.
You have 100% energy to start. Where are you utilizing it? How are other impacting your energy? Who is guiding you, supporting you? Who is holding you back, stripping you of it?
To begin gaining some clarity in your own goals, ask yourself the following questions:
• What is it I want?
• What resources might that entail?
• Who do I know who can help me with what I want?
• Who should I look for who can help me with what I want?
• Who can I check in with as I work toward what I want?
• Who should I avoid as I work toward what I want?
• Who can I talk to about my fear?
If your base of support is shaky, you may not have much to fall back on should things not work out. How will you reinforce your base with the right resources and people?
What’s interesting about this conversation is that many times one might hear that if they have negative or unsupportive people in their life, they should get rid of them.
The logic is seemingly understandable as it’s important to limit toxicity in our lives, but it’s not realistic as this might include people that are in your life for good – business partners, close family and friends.
One needs to consider that those relationships don’t necessarily need to be the ones that are your base. They may not understand what it is you want and how bad you want it. They may not relate to the passion and intensity you have. That’s why it’s important to not limit yourself to these most obvious relationships for support.
If your family and friends don’t understand your goals and passions, will you really not do anything?
We may think we have our base set with who is in our lives already, but part of development is learning where your resources are within — and outside of –- your immediate environment. New resources can contribute toward that base of support.
Related Post: Questioning Your Motivation:
The Who? What? Where? When? Why?
So we can’t dismiss family that isn’t supportive of our vision, but if someone ridicules you or makes you feel less-than when things don’t work out, you have to wonder how they are really contributing to you as a person, overall — never mind your goals.
Do your due diligence. Look for the right sources of energy and tools.
It’s not easy. It’s a journey.
Why are you really afraid of failure?
Who’s going to stand with you while you go chase what’s yours?