In Your Life And Work, What Do You Allow People To Take From You?
Leadership Lesson: Make sure you don’t allow others to take anything away from you. Period.
Are you allowing others to dictate the course of your leadership and professional development? The development of those abilities and skills may be more out of your control than you know or would prefer.
But that’s only if you let it be that way.
These types of developments are not limited to the proactive steps you’re taking to gain from and influence your immediate environment. Nor are they confined to how you react to factors in your environment.
Beyond what you are proactive and reactive about, they are as much about what you allow to happen, and that can dictate the direction in which your development and growth are heading.
Proacting, Reacting, and Allowing
Whereas in a proactive process you’re moving forward through your actions to influence and impact your environment, in a reactive mode you are simply countering what is happening to you in your environment.
“Too often, societal norms get misconstrued in our minds, making us believe we are beholden to certain relationships, even at the expense of the toxicity which they may bring and the regression they may cause.”
In the proactive mode you’re laying the seeds strategically to move in the best direction while in reactive mode you’re working based off of what is going on in the environment.
Within the reactive mode, you can counteract that which has happened in order to still try and shift the environment to benefit you, your mission and those around you.
The proactive approach is preferred because you dictate the initial steps of your actions while the reactive approach adjusts to the game which has already been set in motion for you, calling for you to play off of what has already happened.
But, yet another possibility beyond the options to proact and react is the paralysis that is allowance. In this approach, we allow the environment to completely dictate how we proceed forward. We don’t have the initial control of the proactive mode nor do we utilize the counteraction of the reaction mode, which would permit us to correct the path.
Related Post: Are You Taking The Proactive or Reactive Path In Life?
During this allowance, we permit, knowingly or unknowingly, for the resources we should allot for our development to be restricted or suppressed by someone else.
So, you can either attempt to make something happen (proactive), counter back against something already happening (reactive), or merely allow something to happen without trying to correct it to your benefit.
“There are too many people in this world to be limited to those who would limit us.”
With allowance, the opportunity cost is huge as we are allowing the opportunities which would sharpen and focus our own tools to be stripped from us. Someone else dictates our path and not with our own focus and best interests in mind.
How do you allow these five resources to be stripped from you?
How do you allow others to control how you use and/or lose your time?
Do you allow others to waste your time? Are there repeat offenders who might do so over and over?
Time is precious. You can either use it wisely to move forward with the rest of your resources or allow someone else to dictate how and when you can use your time?
It is on you to determine that you are utilizing your time as effectively and efficiently as possible.
Each day, think about how wisely your time has been utilized. Will it be perfect? No. But make sure that from one effort to the next, you’re maximizing your time and its worth.
How do you allow others to impact what your goals are and how you achieve them?
What are your goals? Are you clear on them? Yes, they may shift and change over time, but at any given point in time, are you aware of what it is you want and what it takes to get there?
You may have others who help you craft and refine your goals, but there may be others who impact your goals in a negative manner, not providing any semblance of service or support?
Have you found the right mix of constructive and genuine support to assist you in achieving your goals?
Your priorities do not match those of others necessarily, neither in specifics nor relevance. You’re the only one who can know what your goals are and how important they are to you.
How do you allow others to limit your voice or alter the message you wish to share?
Your voice is unique in desire and strength. What is it you want to share with the world around you? How much do you want to share it with the world around you? It comes down to desire and strength.
Is someone trying to either strip you of or weaken your voice in a debilitating manner?
It is on you to make sure your voice is heard. You’re the only one who can refine and share what your own personal and unique message is for others to hear. It is what makes you stand out among others. If you don’t voice that desire and strength at the right time, no one will do it for you.
How do you allow others to limit and obstruct your value?
You have a level and type of value which you’re always working on refining, evolving, and sharing. Are you permitted to deliver that value in your environment? Or is it being limited or even extinguished by someone else for the wrong reasons?
How do you seek to get that value out into the world? If you’re limited in one environment, do you look for other venues and avenues by which to express and deliver your own personal value?
Others will only know what value you can provide if you express it, rising above environments which might not seek to extract it from you or which might choose to suppress your need to express it.
How do you allow others to sap your energy?
This resource is as unique to you as those previously listed here. Are you getting all the energy out that you have? What is the sweet spot of energy for you to expend – that balance point where you are getting the right, effective, and satisfying level of energy out of yourself without over-exerting yourself?
If you’re making the right moves and taking the right steps, expending energy can be energizing. The more you’re doing something right, the better it feels. Your energy is focused in the right direction while your excitement and satisfaction grows.
On the other hand, limiting that energy or using it inefficiently can stunt your grow and development going forward. As iron sharpens iron, energy enhances energy.
If you’re not exerting your energy to the right level in one environment, make sure to get it out of your system in another.
Each of us will operate in different environments and circumstances. It is up to us to cull the general advice of this post and customize it to our environment, needs, and desires. We need to work within what our environment will allow. It is imperative that we understand what we truly need for ourselves to be happy and effective. And we need to know what we want.
In coaching sessions, oftentimes, what comes out in the end is that one of the issues at hand may be that we are not working toward trying to exact enough control over our environment.
Too many people’s lives might be dictated in part or completely by the needs, intentions, and actions of others.
They – we – allow things to happen to us.
Would we be able to control every environment equally, assuring perfectly that we are completely in control? No. But it helps to study, understand, and try to take steps to take back as much control as we can from others who do not have our best and more productive interests at heart.
There are too many people in this world to be limited to those who would limit us.
Too often, societal norms get misconstrued in our minds, making us believe we are beholden to certain relationships, even at the expense of the toxicity which they may bring and the regression they may cause.
“Too many people’s lives might be dictated completely by the needs, intentions, and actions of others. They – we – allow things to happen to us.”
As with any advice, it will not work exactly the same for everyone but the important part is that we must test our environment so we can learn what is truly in our control and what might be out of our reach.
But, at the very least, try to shift the instances where you’re allowing something to happen to the other end of the spectrum, toward action. Move the situations where you’re allowing outcomes to happen to taking steps to react in a manner which counterbalances undesired actions, while continuing to work toward the ultimate goal where you are controlling the moves which are set up and you become proactive in your own life, work, and career.
What are we providing to our environment and ourselves?
What are we allowing to happen to us?
So…What About You?
- How often and how might you allow your tools to be limited by relationships in your life, whether they are personal or professional?
- What steps have you taken, within what is possible, to take back some of that control?
- Looking back, in which relationships did you give away too much of yourself, limiting your growth, development, effectiveness, and, even happiness?